Amazing how a week and 2 days ago I wasn't thinking or feeling rather about anything thing or any person. I was just in my own little world keeping my feelings and thoughts in the back grounds of my mind like old memories. Just going with the motions of my simple day to day life. Then out of the blue a person pops up and makes you rethink and unjustify your previous feelings. Being a young woman whos been in very few relationship, which have all ended in heart break and anger for the most part i've learned my lesson and I've learned from my mistakes. My last relationship was 3 years ago and the guy I dated was EVERYTHING I could ever hate in a man. He was just horrible but I'm glad I had the common sense to end the relationship before it got worser than it already was. It took every drop of strength mentally and emotionally to walk away from that situation. I shut my heart off after that.I just didn't want to deal with another guy like him. I didn't want to be reminded of the lost effort and all the wasted time and love I had in my heart. It created a new fear in me which over time has died down but still shows it's presence at time. I took time out and got to know me and fell in love with me I never knew how strong I was or how beautiful I was until I stepped away from dating and got over the pain. It took time to heal my heart it took time for me to realize that I am a good person, a good woman and I am worth being loved by a good man. I learned that I didn't have to settle being with a guy just to have some type of feeling when I can be with someone I that I actually love&trust and that actually loves me back and wants to be the man in my life. Over time I've grown a little stubborn to dating since people in my generation believe in sex over love. I'm a old school fool can't do that. Being 25 and being a virgin at that dating is very hard when in your heart you just can't comply with today's standards. I gave up on dating to just live my life solitary until I met someone who was worth my time and emotions. Fast forward 3 years love has only been a fore thought and it has become something I put on the back burner. Something happended a week ago that struck me. I ran into someone I had feelings for in my past but kept quite about. I didn't know how non chalant or cold I was until after they walked away. Ever since then I've been rethinking a lot of things I've been thinking about this person. I can honestly say that I'm a little scared of how it makes me feel. It's not that I'm not willing to at least try it's just the fear of what if? They say love is a gamble and I have only one more shot left in me I just don't want to waste it. I don't think my heart can survive another break......TBC......>
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