Open Conversations: 1:2 Necessary Fear

 Fear is defined as something that causes feelings of dread or apprehension, something a person is afraid of. Everyone has a fear whether it be a physical or an emotional restraint. Yet, every fear is of the psychological paradox that exist according to each separate individual and sometimes can be applied to certain ethnic or social groups. In my 25 years of life I can say fear was necessary. As a child I experienced a lot of pain in which would manifest it's self into this huge intity of fear that followed me into my teen years and my ealier 20's. My fear was necessary for the personal development that has helped me become the young woman I am. I never knew I would become as strong, wise, or loving as I am now. As a little girl I grew up watching my parents divorce and the aftermath that followed. I lived in poverty and watched countless sense of violence in my community. I experienced some personal woes i.e. abuse, depression, social anxiety, self inflictions, insecurities etc. These things use to break me down into so many pieces . As a teen my soul was so tortured, my heart was completely empty and I would try my best to hide it all inside. I didn't want anyone to know. It made me so angry and depressed. I shed so many tears but these same things that made me cry I am proud to say I have experienced and over came. I still struggle with depression but I take it one day at a time and have gotten better over time dealing with it. Looking back at my life I let fear hold me back from so many things. Love, friends, college, dreams and goal etc. Some good and some bad but the thing is I never got to get the experience and the lesson that was waitng in those lost moments. Fear puts a hold on you and you become a prisoner to those fears. It becomes the master and you become enslaved to them. I lost so much time and years that I can't get back. It was all necessary every tear cried heart break broken and scary moment. A few years ago I decided I was tired and couldn't take any more pain and I had to make some changes. I conquered those fears and put them behind me. It took everything in me, every drop of faith in me but I look at all the people I have helped because of everything I went through. The wisdom learned I get to pass along. I'm in such a better place in my life. Rebuilding myself into a great woman allowing greatness into my life. One day I will be able to sit my children and neice down and tell them my story and give them the encouragement that will help them not be afraid to conquer their fears they will face in their life time. One thing about fear it doesn't stay dead . You have to keep fighting and pushing yourself to over come any thing fear has to throw at you. Fear is what makes us human, it's what make being human worth living for. It helps to give us a choice a sense of direction to the path we want to take. To conquer, over come, and become triumphant in this journey of life. Learning, growing and ever changing into hopefully better humans than when we first started............TBC..........> 

Married men&Guys with girlfriends (Session 1)

So I'm about to head back in to the dating game after a 2 1/2 yr leave of absence (by choice). I have notice some major changes in the playing field. I don't fully remember it being cool or the it thing to date someone with a mate (married or not). I don't fully judge those who chose to date married men or men with girlfriends, but I just know it's not for me. In this case 'sharing is not caring". Society has changed to the point where things that weren't okay are becoming the norm. I asked myself "How long have I been gone?" In reality as the sign of times change so do the attributes of the world and the people who live in it. I've always caught the eye of at least one eye no matter where I go (i.e. the grocery store, the bank, the park, book store, mall,etc.). Without saying a word I can just tell by my spidey senses (intuition) that A he's married or B he has a girlfriend or is a certified skirt chaser. One of the things I look for is the obvious 'The Ring", but the vocal and physical body language that they are giving me. If I feel like they are being TOO anxious or eager to talk to me or even too secretive to talk to me to get "The Digits", 9 times out of ten there's a catch to him. I have come across once or twice a guy who I would like to call a "Phantom". You can't tell nor pick up on anything about him. He seems like a normal guy, but he has hidden any clues that would other wise set off an alarm in any woman's head. He's a pro and has done it many times that he has perfected his skills in this area of his life. This type of guy is few in many but does exsit. With any man or woman, love is a gamble. You have to be willing to put your heart out there. Knowing what you want and need while not settling for less than you deserve. Standing your grounds will be the key to dating successfully dating. (LESSON LEARNED)There will come a time somewhere down the line where a woman comes across a problem. I did. Simply walk a way (if not run). I made up in my mind at the tender age of 19 when I started dating that I will not date a certain kind of man and a married man is very high on the list (if not #1). At the age of 20 I did unwilling (at first) date a guy who was in an relationship. It was hard for me to stop having feelings for this guy. Once feelings, time, and energy has been invested into something its hard on a woman to just drop everything and leave if she not use to it. Those things have already set up camp in my heart and life. I stayed around it caused major damage to my life and heart. The healing time after that was about 2 years before I dated again. I got away from him and just got to know me a whole lot better. I never though I would never (EVER) be in a situation like that. I took it as a stepping stone in my life. I will never do that again (EVER) Back to my first few thought of the open letter of advice. Lately I've been getting approached by married men and guys already in relationships. Have men lost their damn minds or do I attract a certain kind of man? Makes me wonder do I set off an alarm or scent that attracts them. It's not until they notice my pleasant yet dominant personality that they catch on that I know the game they are trying to play. I conduct myself like a lady 95% of the time there is that 5% that slightlty wants to hog tie these types of guys and throw them on the back of a truck going to "a place where dogs go to die". You just have to know sometimes. Weither it be by experience or instinct. Listening to what your conscience and heart are telling you. If something is off about a guy or even feels out of place in your mind (common sense)and organize all your thoughts. God would've never given a woman intuition if he didn't think she would need it - GIRL FRIDAY Session 2 to this topic coming soon