Open Conversations: 1:2 Necessary Fear

 Fear is defined as something that causes feelings of dread or apprehension, something a person is afraid of. Everyone has a fear whether it be a physical or an emotional restraint. Yet, every fear is of the psychological paradox that exist according to each separate individual and sometimes can be applied to certain ethnic or social groups. In my 25 years of life I can say fear was necessary. As a child I experienced a lot of pain in which would manifest it's self into this huge intity of fear that followed me into my teen years and my ealier 20's. My fear was necessary for the personal development that has helped me become the young woman I am. I never knew I would become as strong, wise, or loving as I am now. As a little girl I grew up watching my parents divorce and the aftermath that followed. I lived in poverty and watched countless sense of violence in my community. I experienced some personal woes i.e. abuse, depression, social anxiety, self inflictions, insecurities etc. These things use to break me down into so many pieces . As a teen my soul was so tortured, my heart was completely empty and I would try my best to hide it all inside. I didn't want anyone to know. It made me so angry and depressed. I shed so many tears but these same things that made me cry I am proud to say I have experienced and over came. I still struggle with depression but I take it one day at a time and have gotten better over time dealing with it. Looking back at my life I let fear hold me back from so many things. Love, friends, college, dreams and goal etc. Some good and some bad but the thing is I never got to get the experience and the lesson that was waitng in those lost moments. Fear puts a hold on you and you become a prisoner to those fears. It becomes the master and you become enslaved to them. I lost so much time and years that I can't get back. It was all necessary every tear cried heart break broken and scary moment. A few years ago I decided I was tired and couldn't take any more pain and I had to make some changes. I conquered those fears and put them behind me. It took everything in me, every drop of faith in me but I look at all the people I have helped because of everything I went through. The wisdom learned I get to pass along. I'm in such a better place in my life. Rebuilding myself into a great woman allowing greatness into my life. One day I will be able to sit my children and neice down and tell them my story and give them the encouragement that will help them not be afraid to conquer their fears they will face in their life time. One thing about fear it doesn't stay dead . You have to keep fighting and pushing yourself to over come any thing fear has to throw at you. Fear is what makes us human, it's what make being human worth living for. It helps to give us a choice a sense of direction to the path we want to take. To conquer, over come, and become triumphant in this journey of life. Learning, growing and ever changing into hopefully better humans than when we first started............TBC..........> 

"The List"

"The List".... You know the list every woman has one. A certified "Do or die" grocery list of things that she wants in or out of a man. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with having a list. There is a big difference when that list is as long as your arm and is filled with some unneccesary "illegal substance" that would cause more harm than good in finding a mate. Nothing's greater than a woman who knows what she wants in a man. That's just a sure sign that she knows who she is, what she wants, and how she want it. Eventually every woman (some mostly with age)will know what kind of mate they want to find, attrack, and settle down with. Knowing what part of the list is important, what part is negotiable and what part is just a filler, sorta speak. Even I myself have compliled a list. It helps me think and organize my thoughts and vision in a physical (ink&paper) form of what my over all idea of the "perfect mate" would be like.

The 3 min list exercise

One technique I use to help guide me through this list was not sitting around making a a shopping list worth of stuff from ideas that just bounced out my mind onto the page. I sat down with a pen and pad and timed myself as I made this list 1 min to write all the important things I NEEDED in a mate. 1 min to outline the important qualities, negoitable qualities, and the fillers that I didn't need but noted with in the list. Then taking the last min to look over the list made arrange things a neccesary. By doing this exercise you allow your self to think about the most important things needed in your mate. After I finish the exercise I keep this list some where special (i.e. in a diary) to remind me from time to time. I do the same thing with my life goals (long and short term). It's ok if you don't complete the list in the time frame OR you missed writing a few things on the list. You can always make a new list and thats the best part of this exercise. The fact that your focused enough to write anything down was a big step in the right direction. You can always make another list, which you should do from time to to see if anything changed. The biggest key point to know in all is KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!! Trust me it will save you a lot of time, tears, and heart break. Even in my 24 years of life on this earth I'm glad that I went through a lot of my bad and some time short lived relationships. I haven't had many relationships, but since taking a step back (2 1/2 years) and looking at how I was dating/who I was dating allowed me to think and understand more about what I needed and wanted in a mate. I've been using this exercise for every area of my life for past 3 years and it has helped me in those time when I need to see my thoughts on paper instead of letting them float around in my head taking up room. This a great exercise for both males and females who need a step in the right direction. Stay posted for my next exercise..........